Magic bench-press Bulls

Photo: ESPN/AP


Final:
Orlando Magic: 107
Chicago Bulls: 79

After a disappointing third loss to the Detroit Pistons in their final meeting of the regular season, the Magic bounced back in a big way tonight, registering a decisive victory against 8th seed hopefuls the Chicago Bulls. The Bulls looked bewildered for most of the night, flustered by an intractable Orlando defense that held them to just 31.4% shooting from the field.

Among the night's top performers was a handful of reserves that included Marcin Gortat, Tony Battie, and J.J. Redick. The Magic played tonight without starting small forward Hedo Turkgolu (Achilles), but were nonetheless able to orchestrate the rout on home turf with a variety of plays that saw them scoring in the paint, at the line, and (late in the second half) from beyond the arc.

The Anesthetic Hymns' starter of the night is rookie Courtney Lee, who hit the bulk of his 14 points in the third period. He also had 6 rebounds and 2 steals.

Our reserves of the night were Battie (18 points, 8 rebounds) and Gortat (13 points, 15 rebounds). This was a heartening game for Orlando, one that proved their second stringers capable of putting away a middle-weight team without the aid of the Turkoglu/Lewis/Nelson scoring phalanx.

Dwight Howard turned in a solid game despite early foul trouble that sidelined him for much of the first half. He finished with 15 points, 9 rebounds, and 3 blocks.

The Magic lost their previous game to the Bulls on February 24th (102-120). Their leading scorers in tonight's contest were John Salmons (18 points, 8 rebounds) and Brad Miller (11 points, 6 rebounds). This was the teams' final meeting of the regular season, with the series standing at 3-1 Magic. With this victory the Magic are 47-17 and remain the 3rd seed in the East.


Full box score at Yahoo! Sports

Magic douse Celtics

Magic: 86
Celtics: 79

BOSTON–The Magic nixed the chance of a regular-season sweep by the Celtics today. Victory at the Garden saw four of the Magic's starters scoring in double digits along with a 25-point contribution from the team's increasingly formidable reserve list. While this wasn't a safe game by any stretch, the outcome of the contest was largely defined by Boston's lack of scoring options (point guard Rajon Rondo and power forward Kevin Garnett are both out with injuries).

The Magic offense has been intensely hampered by the loss of starting PG Jameer Nelson, out with a season-ending shoulder injury since the beginning of last month. Nonetheless, GM Otis Smith's outstanding deal-brokering just before trade deadline has brought the team a seasoned distributor in the form of ex-Rocket PG Rafer Alston. Following the team's disheartening performances with stopgap trade Tyronn Lue at the 1, the move was applauded by Magic fans the world over.

Alston, aside from being an erratic finisher, has indeed provided the Magic with the genuine hope of a respectable playoff showing and is considered a tremendous addition to the franchise for the threat he will represent as back-up PG next year. He hit 10 points in today's game, adding 8 assists and a steal.

In spite of Dwight Howard's whopping 5 blocks, the Anesthetic Hymns' player of the game was Rashedo Turkoglewis, who hit an amalgamated 31 points to overcome the afternoon's general foul trouble.

The Celtics were led by a searing Ray Allen (AKA Jesus Shuttlesworth), who stepped out of his role-playing position to drop 32 for the Big Green Giant. Big Baby Davis sustained a leg injury in the second half and Starbury, looking weird and dull in Boston gear, hit a long two.

Check out the full box score at Yahoo! Sports: Orlando 86, Boston 79

The Magic meet Boston in their final regular-season match-up in Orlando on Wednesday, March 25.

Jacko to play 10 farewell shows in London...

From the NY Times/Reuters:

"Mr. Jackson, 50, revealed the details of the concerts at a news conference in London, where he said he would perform 10 shows at the O2 Arena, beginning July 8."

Apparently, he's going to be "'performing the songs [his] fans want to hear."

I simply cannot believe Michael Jackson is 50 years old.

Buy tickets and stuff here: michaeljackson.com

Talkin' Shmaq

Phoenix Suns center and all-around bully Shaquille O'Neal ranted to the press today about the shortcomings of Magic coach Stan Van Gundy, "despising" him as a "frontrunner" sure to crumble in the postseason.

According to ESPN.com, O'Neal "used the word 'despise' at least a half dozen times" and made a special effort to see that his quote, "Now I see why everybody who plays for him doesn't like him," would be printed.

Here at Anesthetic Hymns, we don't take too kindly to the gripes of cutthroat career types like Mr. O'Neal: players who jump ship to secure rings at the expense of not just franchise, but also civic loyalty. I'll admit that an athlete needs to consider his legacy, that he ought to be able to go where he feels he can be a contender. Still, I'll always be bitter about Shaq because of that infuriating attitude of his.

It's no comfort to know that in five years time he'll surely have a part-time gig as a TNT sportscaster, snatching headlines for DUIs and tiresome, inane ego trips. The name "Shaquille O'Neal" will coax conversations about felled hoop systems, shattered fiber glass, extreme arrogance. It'll be way worse than Charles Barkley (who, in all honesty, is probably doing exactly the job he should).

Why can't ol' 32 just leave the league already and devote himself entirely to the Twittering of his life's meaningless luxury? Why can't the guy show some respect for his fellow players and coaches?

Blah, blah, blah:

Back From The Brink

The NBA's trade deadline was at 3 PM today. This is the moment when teams can go from doormats to contenders within 10 minutes. General manager of the Orlando Magic and slickster extraordinaire Otis Smith managed to pull something out of his ass literally at the last minute, because I sure as hell did not see this one coming. In a three-way deal, the Magicians have jettisoned Brian Cook, a 1st round draft pick plus a few additional benchwarmers in exchange of Rafer "Skip To My Lou" Alston from the Houston Rockets.

I'd first and foremost like to thank Chris Paul. If he didn't thoroughly dismantle the duo of corpses that currently make up the point guard rotation on the Magic in last night's loss to the Hornets, Otis would have sat on his ass and issued the standard "I like this team the way it is" press release.

Second, I'd like to thank the Rockets management for accepting the bathtub-esque Brian Cook onto their payroll. I trust they will be constructing a Sizzler restaurant adjacent to the locker room to quell his monstrous appetite. I'll personally miss his threes jacked up 45-feet away from the basket with 20 seconds left on the shot clock.

The talk on the 'net is that the Magic are back on track after this move. Even the schmucks on TNT have said the team is back in contention to win the Eastern Conference. Alston's a scrappy defender and is primarily a pass-first point guard as well as a streaky shooter. He averages a cool 11 points/5 assists a game; magnitudes better than the Johnson/Lue disaster currently in use by Orlando. He's also the true backup point guard for Orlando. Come next season it'll be a Nelson/Alston rotation, pretty swank. Alston was instrumental in the Rockets' 22-win streak last season after the cheaply constructed Yao Ming broke down with another injury. Fun times lie ahead.

Also check out his ill dribbling moves: