Back From The Brink

The NBA's trade deadline was at 3 PM today. This is the moment when teams can go from doormats to contenders within 10 minutes. General manager of the Orlando Magic and slickster extraordinaire Otis Smith managed to pull something out of his ass literally at the last minute, because I sure as hell did not see this one coming. In a three-way deal, the Magicians have jettisoned Brian Cook, a 1st round draft pick plus a few additional benchwarmers in exchange of Rafer "Skip To My Lou" Alston from the Houston Rockets.

I'd first and foremost like to thank Chris Paul. If he didn't thoroughly dismantle the duo of corpses that currently make up the point guard rotation on the Magic in last night's loss to the Hornets, Otis would have sat on his ass and issued the standard "I like this team the way it is" press release.

Second, I'd like to thank the Rockets management for accepting the bathtub-esque Brian Cook onto their payroll. I trust they will be constructing a Sizzler restaurant adjacent to the locker room to quell his monstrous appetite. I'll personally miss his threes jacked up 45-feet away from the basket with 20 seconds left on the shot clock.

The talk on the 'net is that the Magic are back on track after this move. Even the schmucks on TNT have said the team is back in contention to win the Eastern Conference. Alston's a scrappy defender and is primarily a pass-first point guard as well as a streaky shooter. He averages a cool 11 points/5 assists a game; magnitudes better than the Johnson/Lue disaster currently in use by Orlando. He's also the true backup point guard for Orlando. Come next season it'll be a Nelson/Alston rotation, pretty swank. Alston was instrumental in the Rockets' 22-win streak last season after the cheaply constructed Yao Ming broke down with another injury. Fun times lie ahead.

Also check out his ill dribbling moves:

KG Punks Another Guy Who's Smaller Than Him

What else is new?

"Ulysses" - Franz Ferdinand

Note: this is the year's sexiest single so far:





I'm bored, yeah I'm bored
C'mon let's get high!

It's a Frohawk, Yo

The Grammys blew like it always does, but at least we all had a good laugh.

With that said, it'll now take nothing short of a rainbow rasterbation of some impossible Kurt Cobain / Jimi Hendrix hybrid to spark my interest in a televised awards show. My biggest complaint was that the two performances featuring Lil Wayne were dull as hell. Where was "A Milli?"

Okay, so the fact that smiley-faced mom and dad rock swept at the podium was pretty unremarkable. As for Radiohead's castrated romp alongside those regimental nothings from the University of Spoiled Children, let's just pretend that shit never happened.

In retrospect, the whole thing just seemed rushed, with distracted performer/presenters caught up in a flurry of bad jokes and Twitter jitters. Personal highlights included Katy Perry's descent to the stage in a gilded banana capsule, Kate Beckinsale, and Gwyneth Paltrow.

If I could've written the program, it would've run like this:

Al Green featuring Raphael Saadiq and Q-Tip
"We Fight We Love" / "Let's Stay Together"

Katy Perry featuring William Shatner and a bunch of fruit
"I Kissed A Girl"

Estelle featuring Kanye West
"American Boy"

Weezer featuring Michael Jackson live from Qatar via satellite uplink
"Everybody Get Dangerous" / "Dangerous"

Adele featuring Christian Bale
"Chasing Pavements" / "No, Bruce, let me finish!"

Paul McCartney featuring Dave Grohl, Keith Richards, and Prince
"I Want You (She's So Heavy)" / "Scentless Apprentice"

Lil Wayne featuring Marilyn Manson
"Prom Queen"

A Tribute to Prasad & The Patils: Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, Smokey Robinson and Stevie Wonder
"Blue Moon" / "Moonlight Bay" / "Death Blow"

Goodbye Old Yeller
The Public Execution of Coldplay by Sarah Dupuis

Requiem: M.I.A.
"Paper Planes"

Radiohead featuring Chali2na and Amplive
"Reckoner" / "Reckonerz"

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus
"Lemon Incest"

Okay, okay, maybe not that last thing.

It's not me, it's Lue

Photo: NBA/Getty Images

Earlier this afternoon the Magic traded Keith "Vintage" Bogans and some cash for Milwaukee Bucks point guard and returning Magician Tyronn Lue.

This from ESPN:

"Tyronn is a veteran point guard who fits in well with our style of play," Magic general manager Otis Smith said in a statement. "He shoots well from 3-point range and adds needed depth at that position. We thank Keith for everything he gave to us and wish him all the best."

Lue has played 30 games this season for Milwaukee, averaging 4.7 points and 1.5 assists. He played 76 games for the Magic in 2003-04 and will be asked to help in Nelson's absence.

Schmitz says the deal is "pretty decent," but that guy can barely spell. On the other hand, our friends at the Orlando Magic Blog are appalled by the trade ("Fuck You Otis"). I'm personally worried because dude looks like he's about 12 and just scrapes 6 feet.

Lue during his '03-04 year with the Magic:

Games started/played: 69/76
Points: 10.5
Assists: 4.2

His FT and 3-point percentages this year:

FT: .750
3P: .467

So, what up crew?

Oh My God This Is So Amazing

http://www.missiong.com/video/Quest-for-G/The-Quest-for-G


Mega

Arpeggios, Domestic Love

Photo: Papermag


Hey, Justin, watcha think?

My Girls - Animal Collective

Daily Routine - Animal Collective

Woe is You, Woe is Me

Photo from Songs from the Soul

So, over the last couple of days I've been fighting this cold and I'm all runny nosey and miserable. On top of that, Magic point guard Jameer Nelson might be out for the rest of the season and Orlando (as of yet) doesn't have any convincing replacement. On top of all that, the unemployment rate in NYC is hovering at 7-point-some percent and if you're a writer you may as well just kiss the thought of working at a paper goodbye forever.

Furthermore, and with all that in mind, I've been trying to work out what I'm going to do with myself. Should I make a big push to get whatever job I can or should I continue to hold out for something I actually spent three-and-a-half years of my life working towards? Should I start studying for the GREs or is grad school a big waste of time if I don't want to become a teacher?

Should I just join the French Foreign legion (as my father once joked)?

I did love Universal Soldier as a kid.

In all honesty, though, my problems aren't so bad, but with the present age ripening for all manner of escapism, I'm certainly not immune to the temptation of wallowing in my own personal jacuzzi of self-pity.

After all, taking stock of one's problems and having a good sulk is often the first step to revitalization (quoth me), and so this morning I had the idea for a post on one of popular music's most palatable whiners. As both a singer and a trumpeter, jazzman Chet Baker made a career out of mopey, boyish charm. You may know him best for his strung-out, yet classy version "My Funny Valentine," but his finest martyr ballad must be 1958's "Everything Happens to Me."

Key lyrics include the line, "I've mortgaged all my castles in the air." Nice to know that refinancing is such a timeless bane, eh? Also, it's very possible that he sang this song with his mouth wired shut, meaning that, basically, he beat Kanye to the punch by about four decades.

(14)Everything Happens to Me - Chet Baker


Party on, Chet

The Dream Is Dead

On the cusp of entering the national spotlight at his first NBA All-Star game , Jameer Nelson dislocated his shoulder in last night's loss against the Dallas Mavericks. After tests this morning, Nelson was found to have a torn labrum. If he opts for surgery, then he's out for the season. Considering his play-style initiates a lot of contact and punishment, I think the wisest move would be to go for surgery. Regardless, it's looking incredibly likely that he's done for the year.

The dream season for the Orlando Magic is over. It was a good run.

LOTUSFLOW3R - "This music is nasty, but it's not dirty"

Photo from here.org.uk

There's no rest for the re-reformed, especially if your name happens to be Prince.

Yes, everyone's favorite ageless androgyne is back in business with the latest in Web 2.0 total-package music delivery systems. Now, and for a limited time only, visitors to the new website LOTUSFLOW3R can stream three brand new tracks gratis, courtesy of His Purple Majesty.

According to Rolling Stone, "Fans will eventually be asked to pay a subscription fee to open up other areas of the site, with music, lyrics, animation, photographs and video (including Prince's cover of Radiohead's "Creep" at Coachella last year.)"

As it happens, the new music is also pretty good. When you access LOTUSFLOW3R, you're presented with this very spooky, very cyberpunk nighttime environment. To your left you'll see a TV that flashes intermittently, static which, when selected, unfurls a hallucinogenic swirl of the Prince "logo" and a bunch of generic graphics like lazy placeholders. Then, as you scan to your right (across all the broken asphalt), there are a couple of torn newspaper excerpts from Sign O' The Times (yup, that's All Prince, All The Time), fragments which offer some recent fan feedback on an exclusive concert the Minneapolitan singer held yesterday in his presumably jaw-dropping Beverly Hills manse (RS notes that the set included a series of diverse originals, as well as covers of the Cars, the Troggs, Tommy James and the Shondells, and Sly Stone).

The real reason you should visit this site, though, is to click on the little purple cassette tapes at the bottom right of the screen. These are the three new jamz. The first, "Colonized Mind," is unmistakable Prince, effortlessly sexy and unapologetically frozen in mid '80s synthesizer limbo. The second, "Discojellyfish" is, well...an instrumental. The best track, though, is "Another Boy," a song performed by protégé Bria Valente and (I'm assuming) produced by the Artist.

So, cheers to my man for never giving up on his dream of releasing an album as a super diva.

Seriously though, the song sounds like the '90s and kicks off with the sultry, whispered acknowledgment, "Minneapolis style."

We all know what that means, right?