Coldplay goes for broke on "Violet Hill," gets broke

"Hey Will? You as bored as I am?"

I just listened to the new Coldplay single. It’s absolute trash.

Move along everyone! Nothing to see here! The well is dry.

If you were to try and graph the quality of Coldplay’s material over the last six years, you’d find that this moment has been a long time coming. Which moment is that you ask? The moment these guys hit rock bottom.

I used to love Coldplay. I’ve played and continue to play Parachutes to death. 2002’s A Rush of Blood to the Head was arena rock, but there was still a heart beating somewhere in the midst of all the dry ice. The band was still writing great songs: “Amsterdam,” “Warning Sign,” “The Scientist”—these were all outstanding pop songs. Even the epidemic “Clocks” was pretty good.

Fast-forward to 2005 and the band’s just put out the lackluster X&Y. Suddenly Coldplay is a band for the emotionally stunted. You’ve got your choice between sappy or just plain uncool. Whaddaya want?

This new album, their fourth full-length in eight years, was their chance to shock us all. It was their chance to prove that the nuanced melancholy of Parachutes wasn’t just a fluke.

If this new single, “Violet Hill,” is any indication, this will be the worst Coldplay album yet. I really don’t want to jump the gun, but I can’t help it. The band worked with Brian Eno on this thing. BRIAN ENO!! Why does Chris Martin want to be Bono so badly??? What’s sad is that I thought Brian Eno would do them some good. I thought maybe his perfectionism would force them to cut the crap and get back to the sincerity of those early tunes.

On “Violet Hill,” Coldplay make a slapdash attempt to sound like a progressive rock band. Opening up with this ambient noise that’s definitely designed to make me write “ethereal,” the song unfolds extremely awkwardly. Within seconds of Martin’s first line, “It was a long and dark December,” we get a power chord riff that’s straight Brian May, followed by some lines that vaguely hint at a traumatic wartime experience. The refrain, “If you love me won’t you let me know,” sounds like it was a throwaway tidbit intended for use in a Kanye West collaboration. The ending, on the other hand, is supposed to be “classic” Coldplay. You know, the tried-and-true stuff. Just Chris Martin singing gently over his piano. It's as messy as it sounds here.

In 2008, Coldplay doesn’t really know what kind of band they want to be. The name of the new album is—get ready for it— Viva la Vida OR Death and All His Friends. It even has songs with multiple, sub-titled segments to them, just like King Crimson used to do! But Coldplay are absolutely not King Crimson. They’re not Radiohead either; not U2; hell, they're not even Oasis. At the end of the day they’re just four guys in London who make stylish MOR. This is now embarrassingly clear.

Still, don’t take my word for it:

“Violet Hill” – Coldplay (As Available on Coldplay.com)

Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow co-stars in this summer’s Iron Man!!!





Woo-hoo!

Magic win in Round 1

I saw the above photo on ESPN.COM, and I had to add to my previous post. I can't sleep yet anyway. Let me just make clear, I've not been a dedicated Magic fan for long. I began to take interest in the team when my family hauled me along to a few games in the '06-'07 season. I followed casually from that point, and I completely missed the slaughter that occurred at the hands of the Pistons in last year's Playoffs (probably for the best). Halfway through this year something clicked, however, and now I can't get enough of this team.

In Orlando, right by our main highway, I4, there used to be a Magic store called the Fan-Attic. For the last ten years or so, it's been closed down. As far as I know, no one's bought the place and it just kind of stands there, sullenly sulking like the ghost of failure.

Well, now there could be a reason to reopen the place. What Howard, Turkoglu (who won this year's Most Improved Player Award), and Co. have achieved tonight is a true cause for celebration for Orlando fans. The curse clamped down on us in '96 has officially lifted. We go with our heads held high into round two. It'll be incredibly tough, especially if it does end up being against the Detroit Pistons, but we now have forward motion and a reason to be confident in ourselves. Even if we don't win in our second series, the '07-'08 Season will have been a success. Team building has to continue, but we've got one successful playoff experience under our belts, a solid coach with a great attitude, and a generous helping of phenomenal talent on our side.

Player of the night tonight is tough to judge, but I think it's gotta be Howard. With his third 20-20 stat sheet in the series, he's asserted and re-asserted his role as leader of this team. He's an All-Star with a great future ahead of him and he'll be our point-man on the rocky road to Championship contention in the coming years.

Congrats guys.

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 5

Here's the stat sheet:

Howard: 21 pts, 21 rbs, 3 bs
Turkoglu: 12 pts, 8 rbs, 9 ast
Lewis: 18 pts, 13 rbs
Nelson:19 pts
Evans: 12 pts
Bogans: 11 pts
Dooling: 9 pts

WE WIN. 102-92. Ownership.

Lookout Round 2.

"Maybelline" (Live Chuck Berry Cover) - The Replacements

Just a quick post before the game starts. The Replacements are one of my favorite bands. I only stumbled upon them last year and if you're not familiar with them yet, this video is a good place to start. I also recently read a feature piece on PopMatters about the band, which I think is a great introduction as well. Anyway, the best part of the Replacements was their unique way of simultaneously subverting every rock cliche (posturing, gloating) as well as wholly succumbing to them (getting completely plastered before shows). On top of this, they played breakneck rock 'n' roll songs with interesting, insightful lyrics and an overwhelming sense of adolescent honesty.

They nicknamed themselves the Placemats, so you'll sometimes see them referred to as the 'Mats. Read the article if you get the chance. The song in the video is originally a Chuck Berry tune, though singer Paul Westerberg makes up a lot of his own lyrics (mostly unintelligible) as he goes along.

Live in '81:



Buy Replacements CDs from Newbury Comics!

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 4 (Part 2)

YES!!!!

So we go home with three wins under our belt. It was a close game, painful to watch, but we did it. Two clutch threes at the end of the fourth had their intended effect. In spite of a huge showing from Bosh (39 points and 15 boards!), the raptors choked and we took advantage in a big way. Dwight gave another epic performance with 19 points, 16 rebounds, and 8 blocked shots. Also rockin' was Sweet Lew. He hit his threes late to give us hope and sap the last of Toronto's energy. 27 points, 12 grabs off the glass, and 5 assists. Hedo played admirably, if short on heroics. Nelson was player of the night, soldiering on and nabbing 10 of his 18 in the 4th while combatting back spasms and soaring above and beyond expectations.

The Raptors went foul crazy in the last minutes of the 4th, hoping to achieve God knows what. They'll get slaughtered at the Amway Arena next week, so we'll tolerate their childishness for now.

Also:

Suck it, Calderon!!

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 4 (Part 1)

The game starts in about 20 and I must admit I'm anxious as hell. Toronto is not going to lay down in front of us, and we have to understand that. Read a real interesting comment on that game over at Orlando Magic Blog that highlights a mismatched defensive scheme as another major source of our problems.

As Orlando Sentinel columnist Brian Schmitz notes on his blog, the momentum is on the Raptors' side. We're still in Canada and we're going to have to deal with their reviling home crowd ("Superman sucks!" etc.)

To win we need to lockdown PG T.J. Ford and Jose Calderon and isolate Chris Bosh so he can't make plays. We have some height on our side and we should use this to our advantage. This is a big, big game for us. If we win, we can end the series at home next week. Should we lose, prospects for success in Series 1 will get glum. It'll be an uphill battle and I hope the guys are up to it.

All right, then. Game face on.

Go Magic!

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 3 (Part 2)

All right. It's going to be okay. Let's not blow things out of proportion. 108-94 Raptors win, but we had a poor shooting night and the refs were tripping on acid or something. It does show that we're not the well-oiled machine that I so desperately wish we would become. In Game 4 this Saturday, we've got to assert our dominance and win it. A victory in Toronto will put us at 3 wins, giving us home court advantage for Game 5.

Dwight had a much quieter night, but was hampered by foul calls (I can't pass too much in the way of judgement, having not actually seen anything yet). Still it seems that we did play hard. Things weren't clicking and it's possible that a shift in the Toronto game plan caught us with our pants down.

Anyway, the rest is beyond my limited analytical powers so I'm signing out. Maybe tomorrow I'll set about making some voodoo dolls of Jose Calderon and Andrea Bargnani.

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 3 (Part 1)

Maybe it was inevitable, but that doesn't make it any less painful to see the Magic down 40-61 to the Raps at the half. Dwight's playing well, with 15 points and 7 boards, but overall we're not making plays. The Magic seem to have picked up the dangerous habit of relying too heavily on outside shooting. Three's and outside jumpers are only worthwhile if they go in, and if they're not and there's no back up plan, you're screwed. I was really hoping we wouldn't have to deal with a situation like this.

A 21-point deficit is no laughing matter, but I've seen the Magic come back from bleak scoring droughts before. In fact, in the early part of the season, it seemed to be a recurrent trend. In the second half we've got to step up our intensity, make smarter passes and stay out of foul trouble. Jameer in particular has to lock in to his game and both Hedo and Rashard need to start causing problems for T.J. Ford and Jamario Moon defensively.

If Turkoglu, especially, can find his stride and once again prove that he's worthy of being called "Mr. Fourth Quarter" (he hasn't shown nearly as much late-period flair recently), there's a strong chance that we can chalk this one up as a victory.

Fingers crossed.

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors, Game 2

Above: Magic point guard Jameer Nelson. In Game 2 he played just over 30 minutes, with 12 of his 18 points coming from downtown.

It was a nail-biter by the end but the Magic came out on top Tuesday night. 104-103. Dwight with another awesome game (29 points, 20 rebounds, 3 blocks) and the team still keeping up a high standard of play. Having 2 games up on the Raptors is a big advantage that shouldn't be downplayed (in NBA Playoff history teams that lead a series 2-0 are 191-13).

Game 3 will take place in Toronto tonight, and it'll be tough, but with the Magic's great road record this season (2nd best in the Conference behind the Boston Celtics) they've got a very good opportunity to nab that third straight victory. Continuing success in this series will surely be based on maintaining a vigorous defense (especially in guarding All-Star Chris Bosh), mercilessly snatching rebounds, and keeping cool, level heads.

As for my own personal doubts, I'm a little anxious about the team's self-confidence and endurance, being that Dwight Howard's Magic hasn't yet won an NBA playoff series. D12 has had two fantastic games, but I'd like to see even more contribution from the rest of the squad. On Tuesday, Rashard Lewis came away with 18 points, 6 boards, and 5 assists. Hedo Turkoglu's stat sheet read 12-9-5. These aren't bad numbers, at all, and they don't even tell the whole story. It's difficult for me to appraise the situation, not being able to watch the games, but it seems as though everyone's making a strong effort. Obviously, it'll take more than that to win this series and even more still if we're going to have a good shot against our opponent in round 2 (probably playoff vets Detroit). We're lucky in that we've got a good number of long-range shooters (Hedo and Rashard, "Mogans") who, when allowed to find openings, can wreak serious havoc from three-point land, but it's not something we can rely upon to win games.

Sleepless night. Not really sure how much more of this living situation I can handle. Guess I'm just going to have to deal with it. Here's hoping that the Magic will keep this up and running so I'll have something to distract myself from this ultramodern dung heap.

"Sensibly Talking Endlessly"

Just re-wrote a long book review from scratch (pretty much at the request of the PopMatters book editor). Not so fun, but I think I had some good ideas. Hopefully it’ll go through this time. I’m happy to see that they’ve got standards, anyway.

Watching the Magic game. We’re up by ten with five left in the half, though you can never tell with the dreaded GameCast. I find it difficult to understand why basketball hasn’t taken more of a hold here in the UK. It has almost everywhere else (probably not the Middle East, though). It’s fast-paced, driven by individual heroics as much as team discipline and coordination, and the games are like a capitalist’s wet-dream (beers, hotdogs, t-shirts, hats, beers). It’s beyond me why it hasn’t caught on…Oh no, our lead is cut to four with four still on the clock. Oh, now we’re up five. See what I mean? Best sport ever. Rock on Jim Naismith, great job.

Will update when the game’s over. Shit, we’re only up by three.

…

"Waiting for a Superman" - Orlando Magic / NBA Playoffs '08

This past Sunday marked the beginning of the Orlando Magic’s Conference quarterfinal series in the NBA Playoffs. In their first post-season victory since the mid-90s—and their first playoff win with the colossal presence that is Dwight Howard—the Magic routed the Toronto Raptors 114-100. Of course, it’s hardly a monumental achievement, but at least the opening gambit has come off the way we all hoped it would.

What the 2007-2008 season has proved to many uncertain fans (as the increasing electricity in the air at Amway Arena will attest) is that the Magic is getting closer and closer to assembling the kind of team that’s capable of becoming a serious title-contender in the near future. We need to trim the fat (there will surely be casualties in the coming off-season) and work out the kinks, but there’s definitely a sense that this thing is moving forward in the direction we want it to. How big it will eventually turn out to be is, of course, completely speculative at this point.

At any rate, Game 2 goes down in Orlando tomorrow, and I’m extremely anxious to find out if there’s more to this initial strong showing than just dumb luck. In all honesty, it’s unlikely that we’ll go through to the NBA Finals this time around, but nothing’s impossible. It’s a young team, but it doesn’t lack experienced players (Hedo Turkgolu, Keyon Dooling, Maurice Evans). Anyways, I’m looking forward to a good, long playoff run this year—and yes, I’m extremely upset and disappointed that I won’t be able to see any of the games this year. Anyone want to buy me about a dozen international roundtrip flights?

P.S. I still can't get over this:

Gypsy Jack

"I was born just after the Snowstorm of ‘87
Hit this town way back when
My name’s Gypsy Jack
They call me that 'cause I got dark skin and black hair
They call me that 'cause folks ain't never seen a foreigner in these parts and I guess I'm ‘bout the closest thing
Anyways
I signs my name “Gypsy Jack”
One time down by the old shoehorn
Got my leg stuck in the railroad track
Lord, had me a hell of a time tryin' to get my leg out
Pretty soon I start sweatin', you know?
Lord, had me a hell of a time
Tryin’ to pull that leg out from that track
I swear to God almighty, I hear that train coming
And I thought I’s gonna break down and cry
Heat o' the sun
Nobody ‘round
Things was lookin' pretty gloomy there for a minute or two
Anyways
I’m prying with my fingers
They’re all covered in dirt by now
Bleedin' a little too
Just a-trying to maybe lift whatever it is has got me stuck
How’d it happen?
Couldn’t tell you
But I sure had me a hell of a time tryin' to pull that Goddamn (beg pardon) leg out of there
Finally, I get free
Sweatin' like crazy you know?
I stumble down into the ditch and that train passes me by
Loud as anything
Jesus, I thinks
Could’ve been me dead in a minute there
Boy howdy.
Sure had me a hell of a time."

-As told to Peter Crickners at T-----, date unknown.

"Shivers" - The Boys Next Door

Nick Cave's first band, The Birthday Party, was originally called The Boys Next Door. Their first album was called Door, Door and it came out in 1979. "Shivers" is the only track I've heard from it. The lyrics are pretty great, I think, and it's inspiring to see that Cave was so good even at this early stage. This was almost thirty years ago--he was just twenty at the time--and you can hear a distinct difference in his voice. He's definitely crooning on this one, and one of the best moments is when he goes pretty flat on the line "My heart is really on it's knees." It's still really great though, and thinking about it now, I'm reminded of listening to "Lay Lady Lay" for the first time and not really believing it was Bob Dylan singing.





"She makes me feel so ugly
My heart is really on it's knees
But I keep a poker face so well
That even mother couldn't tell

But my baby's so vain
She is almost a mirror
And the sound of her name
Sends a perennial shiver down my spine."

SPY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YINE!