Coldplay goes for broke on "Violet Hill," gets broke

"Hey Will? You as bored as I am?"

I just listened to the new Coldplay single. It’s absolute trash.

Move along everyone! Nothing to see here! The well is dry.

If you were to try and graph the quality of Coldplay’s material over the last six years, you’d find that this moment has been a long time coming. Which moment is that you ask? The moment these guys hit rock bottom.

I used to love Coldplay. I’ve played and continue to play Parachutes to death. 2002’s A Rush of Blood to the Head was arena rock, but there was still a heart beating somewhere in the midst of all the dry ice. The band was still writing great songs: “Amsterdam,” “Warning Sign,” “The Scientist”—these were all outstanding pop songs. Even the epidemic “Clocks” was pretty good.

Fast-forward to 2005 and the band’s just put out the lackluster X&Y. Suddenly Coldplay is a band for the emotionally stunted. You’ve got your choice between sappy or just plain uncool. Whaddaya want?

This new album, their fourth full-length in eight years, was their chance to shock us all. It was their chance to prove that the nuanced melancholy of Parachutes wasn’t just a fluke.

If this new single, “Violet Hill,” is any indication, this will be the worst Coldplay album yet. I really don’t want to jump the gun, but I can’t help it. The band worked with Brian Eno on this thing. BRIAN ENO!! Why does Chris Martin want to be Bono so badly??? What’s sad is that I thought Brian Eno would do them some good. I thought maybe his perfectionism would force them to cut the crap and get back to the sincerity of those early tunes.

On “Violet Hill,” Coldplay make a slapdash attempt to sound like a progressive rock band. Opening up with this ambient noise that’s definitely designed to make me write “ethereal,” the song unfolds extremely awkwardly. Within seconds of Martin’s first line, “It was a long and dark December,” we get a power chord riff that’s straight Brian May, followed by some lines that vaguely hint at a traumatic wartime experience. The refrain, “If you love me won’t you let me know,” sounds like it was a throwaway tidbit intended for use in a Kanye West collaboration. The ending, on the other hand, is supposed to be “classic” Coldplay. You know, the tried-and-true stuff. Just Chris Martin singing gently over his piano. It's as messy as it sounds here.

In 2008, Coldplay doesn’t really know what kind of band they want to be. The name of the new album is—get ready for it— Viva la Vida OR Death and All His Friends. It even has songs with multiple, sub-titled segments to them, just like King Crimson used to do! But Coldplay are absolutely not King Crimson. They’re not Radiohead either; not U2; hell, they're not even Oasis. At the end of the day they’re just four guys in London who make stylish MOR. This is now embarrassingly clear.

Still, don’t take my word for it:

“Violet Hill” – Coldplay (As Available on Coldplay.com)

Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow co-stars in this summer’s Iron Man!!!





Woo-hoo!

Magic win in Round 1

I saw the above photo on ESPN.COM, and I had to add to my previous post. I can't sleep yet anyway. Let me just make clear, I've not been a dedicated Magic fan for long. I began to take interest in the team when my family hauled me along to a few games in the '06-'07 season. I followed casually from that point, and I completely missed the slaughter that occurred at the hands of the Pistons in last year's Playoffs (probably for the best). Halfway through this year something clicked, however, and now I can't get enough of this team.

In Orlando, right by our main highway, I4, there used to be a Magic store called the Fan-Attic. For the last ten years or so, it's been closed down. As far as I know, no one's bought the place and it just kind of stands there, sullenly sulking like the ghost of failure.

Well, now there could be a reason to reopen the place. What Howard, Turkoglu (who won this year's Most Improved Player Award), and Co. have achieved tonight is a true cause for celebration for Orlando fans. The curse clamped down on us in '96 has officially lifted. We go with our heads held high into round two. It'll be incredibly tough, especially if it does end up being against the Detroit Pistons, but we now have forward motion and a reason to be confident in ourselves. Even if we don't win in our second series, the '07-'08 Season will have been a success. Team building has to continue, but we've got one successful playoff experience under our belts, a solid coach with a great attitude, and a generous helping of phenomenal talent on our side.

Player of the night tonight is tough to judge, but I think it's gotta be Howard. With his third 20-20 stat sheet in the series, he's asserted and re-asserted his role as leader of this team. He's an All-Star with a great future ahead of him and he'll be our point-man on the rocky road to Championship contention in the coming years.

Congrats guys.

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 5

Here's the stat sheet:

Howard: 21 pts, 21 rbs, 3 bs
Turkoglu: 12 pts, 8 rbs, 9 ast
Lewis: 18 pts, 13 rbs
Nelson:19 pts
Evans: 12 pts
Bogans: 11 pts
Dooling: 9 pts

WE WIN. 102-92. Ownership.

Lookout Round 2.

"Maybelline" (Live Chuck Berry Cover) - The Replacements

Just a quick post before the game starts. The Replacements are one of my favorite bands. I only stumbled upon them last year and if you're not familiar with them yet, this video is a good place to start. I also recently read a feature piece on PopMatters about the band, which I think is a great introduction as well. Anyway, the best part of the Replacements was their unique way of simultaneously subverting every rock cliche (posturing, gloating) as well as wholly succumbing to them (getting completely plastered before shows). On top of this, they played breakneck rock 'n' roll songs with interesting, insightful lyrics and an overwhelming sense of adolescent honesty.

They nicknamed themselves the Placemats, so you'll sometimes see them referred to as the 'Mats. Read the article if you get the chance. The song in the video is originally a Chuck Berry tune, though singer Paul Westerberg makes up a lot of his own lyrics (mostly unintelligible) as he goes along.

Live in '81:



Buy Replacements CDs from Newbury Comics!

Orlando Magic vs. Toronto Raptors Game 4 (Part 2)

YES!!!!

So we go home with three wins under our belt. It was a close game, painful to watch, but we did it. Two clutch threes at the end of the fourth had their intended effect. In spite of a huge showing from Bosh (39 points and 15 boards!), the raptors choked and we took advantage in a big way. Dwight gave another epic performance with 19 points, 16 rebounds, and 8 blocked shots. Also rockin' was Sweet Lew. He hit his threes late to give us hope and sap the last of Toronto's energy. 27 points, 12 grabs off the glass, and 5 assists. Hedo played admirably, if short on heroics. Nelson was player of the night, soldiering on and nabbing 10 of his 18 in the 4th while combatting back spasms and soaring above and beyond expectations.

The Raptors went foul crazy in the last minutes of the 4th, hoping to achieve God knows what. They'll get slaughtered at the Amway Arena next week, so we'll tolerate their childishness for now.

Also:

Suck it, Calderon!!